How one cliche question can determine the success (or failure) of your relationship
Imagine if one question asked on a first date could predict the success of your future relationship? Sounds too good to be true? Well according to one relationship psychologist, a question that most of us are already asking when meeting new people, is the key to avoiding potential heartbreak down the road.
“So why are you single?”
This question may make people cringe - but that’s it - this cliche question is the relationship magic bullet.
“But why?!” I can hear many of you proclaim, especially those of you who removed this question from your dating repertoire years ago.
Dr Robert Maurer recently told The Independent that how your date answers this question reveals a lot about them - especially if they don’t take any blame for their “singleness”. As they answer this question, Dr Maurer recommends that you need to listen out for if they take any responsibility for the failure of their past relationships. If not, he says that you need to get the bill and walk away ASAP because you need to “look for someone who is willing to look inside for the source of the problem and for solutions, nothing is more vital for a relationship to thrive.”
Dr Maurer adds that if your date takes the question as a compliment, and reveals that they are capable of recognising their part in the end of their last relationship, your relationship shows promise of working out in the long run.
Although if you are slightly hesitant to bring this question up on your next date, you’re not alone. Adding a contradictory opinion, online dating coach Erika Ettin previously told The Washington Post that for women being asked this question “stings every time.”
She recommends putting this question on your “do not say list” along with anything overtly sexual, angry or misogynistic (it’s good to have those last ones removed from your talking points).
Now, are you confused about the right and wrong things to say? Well, our advice is to read the room. If you’d genuinely like to know about your date’s past relationships - then ask, but try and pick your moment. There are also many ways to find out more about this topic, without flat out asking; “why are you single?” You could say something along the lines of: “Is there anything from your last relationship that you’d not like to replicate in your next one?” or “What are your deal breakers? or maybe just ask: “do you feel comfortable talking about your last relationship?”
Then you’re giving the person the option to continue with the ex-chat, or simply to move right along to the dessert menu.
To ask or not to ask? Tell us what you think below.