How to survive ‘divorce month’ and have a great 2020

Did you know there's a month of the year where divorces are more likely? It may come as no surprise to some that January is the time where lawyers’ phones are ringing off the hook because so many couples have been driven to breaking point over the holiday period and are ready to call it quits.

There’s even a specific day in January when couples are most likely to file for divorce. January 8 has been dubbed ‘Divorce Day’ by many in the legal profession, with legal firm Slater and Gordon citing financial pressures and family tensions as the main reasons people can’t bear entering another year with their significant other.

It isn’t just marriage break-ups that happen in January, break-ups, in general, are said to rise in the first month of the year, as people assess where they want to be in 12 months time.

So what do you do if you find yourself newly single and staring down the barrel of 2020? Read on, and hopefully, we can help.

Be kind to yourself.

This is probably the best advice I have ever been given, hence why this nameless and faceless writer is about to pass it on. When something traumatic happens, such as a break-up, people tend to be way harder on themselves than they would be if say a friend is going through the same thing. Say a friend has just told you they’re getting a divorce. You would say to them something along the lines of, “I hope you’re okay, this is such a tough time, I’m here for whatever you need.” However, we rarely show ourselves the same amount of care. We talk about how we need to get over it, and we beat ourselves up when we can’t. In this time, simply try and recognise what you need. If you need to cry, cry - If you need to laugh, laugh and if you need to share what you’re going through, call a friend. You’re not burdening anyone with how you’re feeling and also you never know the healing power in listening to and acting on what you really need.

Don’t rush into a new relationship.

Now, this may seem like an obvious one, but hear us out. Traditional thinking says that it takes one month for every year you were with your partner to get over them. So, if you were together for two years, it takes two months. To us, this seems quite short, especially if it wasn’t a mutual decision or if there are children involved and you still need to see and keep it cordial with your ex - it will be hard to put everything behind you in a few short months. But whatever rule of thumb you’d like to use, we suggest taking things slowly when it comes to jumping back into a relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t date if you feel ready, but when it comes to getting serious, just make sure you feel emotionally recovered from your last relationship before committing again.

Write down what you want to get out of 2020.

You may have started the year exiting a relationship, but that doesn’t mean you want to end 2020 in one. So, use this time of soul searching to work out what you really want. That may be finding love, or it may be going travelling, or you may simply want to meet new people without having the pressure of getting serious in a relationship. Whatever it is though, why not invest some time in putting your goals and wants down on paper. There’s something extremely powerful in actually putting pen to paper when it comes to what you want; it gives you a record of what you wanted earlier in the year to look back on and keep you on track when it comes to achieving your goals. Without sounding cliche, it's a new year and what better time is there to decide what you want this year to truly be for you.

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