Jealousy and relationships

Depending on your personality type, intense jealousy can be a huge obstacle for singles out there looking to find someone special. Jealousy has the potential to immediately shut down your chances with a love interest and will prevent you from getting the long-term relationship you crave.

The reason why jealousy is such a relationship killer is that there is a possessiveness about it that can be frightening and smothering. It's an emotion that can become all consuming and drive you to interrogate your partner, follow them, stop them from seeing their friends or socialising, and create ongoing arguments and accusations. In short - there's nothing easy-going about jealousy. And when your date senses that this is a problem for you - it's likely they're going to back off and want space. Typically, if jealousy is a problem for you then it will come from you own insecurities. You may have a fragile self-esteem, fear being abandoned or rejected, worry about losing control and becoming helpless, or lack trust and fear being cheated on. Whatever the driver, when you get into an intimate relationship your jealousy will start to come to the surface and in the end can ruin everything. Here are 10 tell-tale signs that jealousy is a problem for you: You constantly interrogate your partner

You frequently text and make phone calls at all hours of the day/night

You prevent your partner from going out or meeting up with friends

You snoop on their phone and computer

You obsess about the whereabouts of your partner when you're apart

You need lots of re-assurance that your partner is still into you

You want to spend all your time together

You get mad if they don't respond immediately to your texts/ calls

You frequently accuse them of flirting and being untrustworthy

You control what clothing your partner wears

If this sounds like you, then it's time to back off, take a deep breath and let your dates enjoy their own independence. Smothering your love interests isn't going to work for you, and now you need to give them more space and freedom.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (

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