This secret date hub writer was having a conversation today with a frustrated dater. It should be known that I am a woman, and this disgruntled person was a man. This is all I will reveal about myself at this time, it’s for your own safety.
Let’s call this dater John. John has just dived back into online dating and instantly felt inadequate staring at the long list that some people were putting forward, when it came to what they were looking for in a date. He rattled off a list that he’d seen that went along the lines of: ‘Tall, must have a good sense of humor, kind and must smell good’. He instantly felt that there wasn’t much point in reaching out to this person because not only did he not meet all the criteria, he also felt this person came across as picky.
The beauty about online dating is because everyone is arguably looking to find a connection, there’s no need to censor yourself, people can be upfront about what they want. However sometimes by giving people a long list, some may find this intimating. It also may lead to someone who could be a great person for you to meet, deciding that they don’t tick all your boxes so they won’t even bother reaching out, and in this situation, everyone loses.
RSVP recently conducted research in conjunction with the Queensland University of Technology, which saw the university analyze the online dating preferences and contact behaviour of more than 41,000 Australians aged between 18-80 who use RSVP and it found that most daters reach out to those who bear no resemblance to the characteristics they say they want in a partner.
What does this mean for you, and also our dater who is dipping their toes back in the water? It means throw out the wish list and contact someone who looks interesting. Of course, if you look completely incompatible on key issues such as wanting kids versus not wanting kids then maybe don’t reach out, but you never know who you may meet if you shorten that wish list.