To share or not to share – are passwords sacred or fair game in relationships?

As you start to get to know your new partner, you’re going to want to become more of a major player in their life. That means meeting their friends and family, staying over, going away together in the week-ends and making future plans. Another major bridge to cross is swapping passwords on phones, iPads and computers.

However, are passwords fair game – or should you just keep away from accessing each other’s technology?

It’s certainly a delicate issue to consider. If you have this conversation too early on in your relationship, your partner could feel intruded upon, stalked and trapped, and ultimately pull away.

So what should you do?

In the short –term, passwords should be treated as sacred. You don’t know your partner well enough, so expecting them to give you full access to their digital life is crossing boundaries. It’s like telling your partner that you’re in love with them after 4 dates. It’s too full on and intense, and it will make them feel uncomfortable.

However, as the months roll by and you start to spend more time with them, then swapping passwords can be an option. It must be stressed however, that this is not done for snooping purposes. If this is your driver, then you’re probably not with the right person and your relationship is unlikely to last because it’s based on insecurity, jealousy and lack of trust.

On the other hand, if you’ve been together for a while in a committed relationship, and you’re both open to the idea of swapping passwords, then go for it. It can make you become more connected, enhance the bond between you, it displays trust, and shows you’re comfortable with being honest and transparent with one another.

In the end take it slowly. It will all come down to timing and your level of commitment and trust in the relationship. Done at the right time with the right person, and it can take your relationship to another level.

John Aiken, RSVP relationship specialist and dating expert as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (

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