Are you building relationship barriers?

You may not even realise it, but you could be putting up obstacles and barriers that may be holding you back from finding a lasting relationship.

These are the thoughts from RSVP relationship psychologist and Married at First Sight star, John Aiken, who believes that some singles may be self-sabotaging their chance at finding love.

Aiken shared these views on the popular YouTube series, Tea with Jules, saying: “A lot of the singles out there are single because they’re putting up obstacles and they don’t know it.

“I think there are a lot of singles out there who will do things that will hold them back … One of the biggest ones is their mindset is very negative, they will say: ‘there are no good ones out there, I’m too old, or I’m bad at relationships’. So, they have this mindset going in that it’s all over, and that makes it very hard because you get a vibe there and it’s very difficult to meet someone with that mindset,” he says.

He also added that some people find it hard to realise they have bad habits, such as still communicating with their ex’s.

“You need to stop when you’re in the dating game if you’re frustrated and say: “Am I doing anything that’s holding me back?” Aiken says.

To counteract this, Aiken’s advice is to seek out some friends and ask them for honest advice about how you can overcome some of these hurdles, such as being picky, so you can be aware of what you need to look out while dating.

In his chat with Jules Sebastian, Aiken also offered up some advice to those who are coupled up, with some of his top tips being:

  1. Take time to debrief with your partner and when you do, ensure that you’re listening and empathising and not trying to fix everything.

  2. When bringing up issues, bring them up softly.

  3. Always say hello and goodbye to your partner first.

  4. Saturate your relationship with five positive interactions to one negative one.

  5. Do little things daily and often.

  6. Prioritise sex.

When it comes to Aiken’s hope for people in relationships who have sort out his advice to repair some issues they may be having, he explained that his hope for couples in crisis is that they make time for each other once more. He says that if couples start to partake in “little rituals” they’ll start to communicate and support each other more and this will start to turn the dial on the whole relationship.

Watch the full interview between Aiken and Sebastian below:

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