7 ways to get your confidence back after a break-up

We’ve all been there at some stage of our single life. When we meet someone amazing, fall in love, think it will last a lifetime, and then be totally devastated when it all falls over. At times like these, you can be left with a sense of sadness, disillusionment, anger, confusion and heartache. Your confidence can take a hit and future dating can seem daunting.

To stop the downward spiral after a break-up, you must focus on getting your confidence back so you can re-enter the dating game. Follow these 7 tips and this should get you excited again about meeting someone special: 1) Have a Make-over Giving your appearance and wardrobe a complete overhaul is one of the quickest ways to start getting your confidence back after a break-up. You’re basically wiping the slate clean and starting afresh. You’re going to look and feel different, and bring new exciting opportunities into your life. 2) Prioritise health and fitness Now that you’re single, it’s time to turn your attention to putting your health first. That means doing a detox, eating well, exercising on a daily basis, and getting plenty of sleep. Cut back on the partying and focus on improving your overall fitness levels. 3) Lean on friends During this time of healing, you must lean on your trusted friends to prop you up and encourage you to move forward. You need them to re-assure you that everything is ok, and that you’re an amazing person with a lot to offer! 4) Understand the break-up Soon after a break-up, there is a tendency to blame yourself for everything that went wrong. To stop this from destroying your self-worth, you must unpack the break-up and look at it more objectively. Answer these questions “Why were they wrong for me?”; “What do I want different in my new partner?”; and “What am I going to do differently in my next relationship?” This will give you a better perspective on the break-up, and you’ll feel more positive about dating again. 5) Focus on your strengths Take a moment to consider the following question “Why am I so good at relationships?” You need to focus on your strengths and get crystal clear about what you bring to the table. If you find this too hard, then ask your friends to help. Then write a list of your strengths and refer to this everyday to put you in the right headspace. 6) Mix in different circles It’s extremely important that you avoid bumping into your ex and their friends while you try to heal and move forward. So go out with your friends and experience different bars, clubs, restaurants and events. Mix in totally different circles, and start experiencing new and exciting situations that allow you to grow and to get excited about life! 7) Stop all contact with your ex It might seem like an extreme approach, but if you want to get your confidence back, then you have to sever ties with your ex. Any contact with them will only plunge you into despair, self-doubt, anxiety and insecurity. Delete their number, block them on Facebook, go to a new gym, get your daily coffee from a different café. Whatever it takes, you must go cold turkey from them and start building yourself up again.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (www.johnaiken.com.au)

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