What are love languages - and can they change how you function in your relationship

One of the most well-known and popular theories in the world of relationships is called “love languages.” It was developed by counsellor and pastor Dr Gary Chapman, and it focuses on how we most like to be appreciated and loved. Specifically, he outlined 5 love languages that a person can have that their partner can use to make them feel special (one primary and one secondary). The key is to know what love language your partner has, then ‘speak’ their language so they feel most special. By doing this you increase your connection and bond, and feel cherished and loved by one another.

So here are the 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation If this is your love language, then you really value hearing words of praise and gratitude from your partner. You long for compliments and expressions of appreciation, and you cherish your partner being you biggest cheerleader. It’s all about what your partner says rather than what they do. Acts of Service This love language is all about actions. You adore your partner doing things for you such as running errands, completing domestics, paying bills, getting on top of the gardening, putting the kids to bed, booking a holiday or fixing the Wi Fi. These types of behaviours – big or small - make you feel most special. Touch When you have this love language, then it’s all about being physical. This relates to actions such as kissing, hugging, hand holding, stroking hair, sitting on the couch together, giving a foot massage, spooning in bed and of course – sex. Anything that is physical will hit the mark and make you feel loved and appreciated. Quality Time This love language relates to special moments/ experiences you share together. This can involve such things as date nights, morning coffee catch-ups, surprise lunches, Friday night pizza/movie nights, holidays, week-ends away, Sunday sleep ins, and walking the dog. You feel most loved whenever your partner makes an effort to spend time with you and is present without distraction. Gifts This love language relates to any and all types of gifts. For you, it means so much to receive something special from your partner. The size of the gift isn’t important, rather it’s about the thought behind it all. From Prada handbags and Breitling watch’s, to a hand-made card, hand-picked flowers, a fresh home-made muffin, or a much needed flat white from the café down the road. When your partner gives you gifts – it means more to you that anything else. If you’re keen to know more about the 5 love languages then jump on Dr Chapman’s website and take his quiz, and download his 5 love languages Ap – www.5lovelanguages.com

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (www.johnaiken.com.au)

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