After dating a new person for a period there will always come a time when you have to make a decision. Is this going to be just friends, or can we be lovers? For most singles, this will be something that doesn’t require too much consideration, and the relationship will move forward quite quickly. But for others, it’s a big question that needs careful consideration.
For those of you in this situation, there is a way to make a successful transition from friends to lovers. The key is to know how you both feel, think and behave around each other. Look at the signs – and if they are all good – then move forward. However, if they’re not there, or it’s way too confusing, then it’s best to keep it in the “friend zone”.
Take a moment to consider how you feel about one another. If you’re going to take it from friends to lovers, then there needs to be some excitement, lust, anticipation, attraction, and sexual chemistry between you both. You really want to feel passionate about being together and becoming intimate – otherwise it’s just going to be awkward and fizzle out.
Consider how you think about one another. You want to be fantasizing about being intimate together, imagining being a couple and spending time meeting friends, travelling and sharing new experiences. If you’re not fixated on them and thinking about what they’re up to and how amazing they are – then you should just remain friends.
Your actions should tell you what you really want. If you want to be lovers, then you’ll do lots of little things that bring each other close and show that you’re committed. For instance, meeting each other’s friends and family, buying gifts, spending lots of time together, planning events and new experiences together, contacting one another all the time, being punctual and affectionate and organising holidays together. If you’re not showing these types of actions, then just leave it at friends.
So keep it simple. Analyse these 3 areas and all will be revealed. If everything lines up positively – then step up and make the move. You both want the same thing, and it’s now time to make it official.
John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (www.johnaiken.com.au)