I Facebook stalked my new date and saw something I didn’t want to see: how do I deal with it?

In today’s age of dating, technology is a major way of getting to know about a new partner. Most singles will confess to a little googling of a potential love interest and checking them out on social media. After all, you just want to get a taste of who they are, what their friends are like and how they spend their spare time. But what happens when you stalk your new date on Facebook and see something that you don’t like? How do you deal with it?

Usually things like that don’t go away quickly. You’ll typically dwell on them and your mind will go overtime trying to make meaning of it. Avoidance will not give you any relief because this approach doesn’t solve anything and doesn’t give you any answers. Instead – it’s time to follow three simple steps to get some closure on the situation: Step one: Do some research You need to try to understand this issue as quickly as you possible – particularly if you like this person and want to keep seeing them. So get onto the internet, read books and do some research to see if you can get some meaning about their behavior. You may be over-reacting, and this information could put it all into perspective. Step Two: Speak to friends If this doesn’t work, then you need to reach out to friends to get their opinion on things. They might be able to explain this or give you a different perspective that you haven’t considered. They may also have experienced something similar and will have a plan of attack. Go to them and see if this can solve you worries. Step Three: Confront your date If your friends can’t help – then you have to take a deep breath and step up and confront your new love interest. You’ve seen something on Facebook that has spooked you and you need answers. There’s no easy way around this – if you’re going to keep seeing them – then you need to calm your fears. Give them a chance to explain the situation. Don’t go in too serious. Instead, be playful and say you were checking out their Facebook and you saw something weird. Be curious – not judgmental - and see what they say. Hopefully everything can be explained and you can move forward with them.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (www.johnaiken.com.au)

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