Do you really need to have the 'exclusivity' talk?

When you jump online and start dipping your toe into the dating scene, your focus needs to be on having fun and enjoying the process. Getting excited about meeting new and different types of singles and seeing how things develop. However, once you find someone that you have a real chemistry with, when should you bring up the idea of exclusivity?

Well certainly not after the first date! I have seen too many singles that sabotage their chances at finding love because they put too much pressure on themselves and their new date. They try to move too fast too early on.

Instead, during the initial stages of dating you want to be carefree and uncomplicated. You want to get out of your comfort zone and mix with different types of singles. You don’t want to be in a rush, anxious or desperate for commitment. Instead, it’s about dating, flirting, experiencing new restaurants, bars and clubs, and enlarging your social network.

However, everything changes once you meet an amazing person who really fits with you, and you’ve dated them for a month or more. At this stage, you may want to start thinking about the exclusivity talk.

The reason being, is that if they have the same feelings as you, then why be available to other singles? You don’t need to be on the market anymore. You’ve got someone that you want to focus your energy on, so become exclusive and see if you can both make it work.

You haven’t rushed things. You’ve both enjoyed getting to know each other, and now it’s the perfect time to have this chat. It’s all about timing. The exclusivity talk is an important one to have if you want to ultimately move it forward, build trust and experience a stronger connection.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (

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