One of the most important things you can do before jumping into the world of dating is to make sure you've let go of the past. You need to cut yourself free of your relationship baggage so you can leap into dating with a fresh, new, exciting and positive mindset. But this tends to be easier said than done. Old wounds can run deep.
There are several tell tale signs that you might still be struggling with past relationship hurts:
- You constantly talk about your ex/ex's
- You continue to try and stay in contact with them
- You try and stay involved with their family and friends
- You have ongoing strong feelings of wanting to get back together
- You're obsessed with them on Facebook and social media
- You can't let go of your ex's photos, cards, letters, and gifts
If this sounds all too familiar, then you're very likely stuck in the past and struggling with old relationship hurts.
To let go of this, you need to process what happened. Look at the big picture and see all the factors that caused the relationship breakup. This will stop you constantly blaming yourself and staying stuck in the past.
If you want to really get closure and move forward, then consider each of your previous relationships and use these 5 questions to help you on your way:
- Why was he/she wrong for me?
- What did I do that contributed to the break-up?
- What do I want different in my next partner?
- How am I going to be different in my next relationship?
- Why am I so good at relationships?
Then sit down with a trusted friend and go through your answers with them and they can help you get even more clarity on the past.
John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best-selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (www.johnaiken.com.au)