When you first start dating a new love interest there are many unanswered questions. You’re trying to see if you have a chemistry? Does the person you’re seeing have similar values, do they make you laugh, are they compatible in terms of relationship expectations and interests?
At this point, you don’t really know each other, but you’re curious. So when you see that your new date still has their online profile up, should you ask them to take it down?
In my opinion, time and commitment will play the key role in when to address this with your new partner. If you’ve just started seeing one another over the past few weeks, then everything is still fresh and new. You’re catching up and going on dates to see if there’s any potential.
At this time, it’s entirely reasonable to think that both of you will still be dating other people, and that both your online profiles will be active. After all, there’s no level of commitment between the two of you. It’s all about flirting, having fun, getting to know each other and seeing if you fit. You don’t need to be exclusive at this early stage – so online profiles are allowed to stay up.
Not only that, be upfront with each other and say that you’re still seeing other people. It will create some urgency and interest! However, once you’ve been dating for a month or so, and you know there’s a chemistry and you want the same things, then you need to move the relationship to the next phase. You both need to get on board and become exclusive. That means no more shopping around!
Specifically, you have to pull down your online profile, cancel any and all subscriptions to online dating sites, put up boundaries with any needy ex’s, and break off any friends with benefits arrangements. You’ve done your homework. You’ve spent enough time with this new love interest. You don’t want to see anyone else and they want the same thing as you do. At this moment – it’s time to step up and agree that your online dating days are over.
John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Ch 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a best selling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, runs a private practice in Sydney, and is a sought after speaker. (www.johnaiken.com.au)