You’ve had a date or three, and the sparks are flying. You may or may not have had a roll in the hay and would very much like to return to the farmhouse sometime in the near future. There were no allergic reactions, and #farmlyfe really suits you, actually! There's just one thing…your farmer.
In truth, if you feel like your new friend is having reservations about dating you, they probably are. Now that’s not to say they don’t want to date you in the future - you might have a total slow-burn relationship where it grows into Anne of Green Gables over time. But chances are, right now, they’re just not ready.
You know what though? It’s not all bad! In fact, it’s a good thing! Have a chat (*read: a casual chat, not a Glenn Close Fatal Attraction chat) and find out what your new date is thinking and where they’re at on the casual hangouts > dating > relationships spectrum.
If you find you're after something more than they are right now, this is ALSO good news! It’s entirely up to you to decide what happens next! It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure story. Flip this whole mother-trucker situation on its head and ask yourself, are they really ready for you? If they’re not ready, and you have to have more certainty, then you can move on. Beyoncé is the boss of you. I mean, you’re the boss of you.
On the subject of “knowing what you want” though, it’s also ok not to know. In fact, it’s pretty common for people to chop and change what they’re looking for based entirely on the person they’re currently spending time with. You’re allowed to do the same, and if someone expects you to have it all figured out over the very first vino, then you can tell them to shove that in their decanter. Or just politely answer “I’m still figuring that out”. Manners are free. Use them.
Managing expectations is everything in dating. If you’re open, honest and clear with people, chances are your behaviour will be reciprocated. You really can only live in the present, so don’t be too tough on yourself to immediately recognise when you’ve found a keeper, or a double denim partner. If you’re having fun, and enjoying spending time with your date, give them time. If you’ve given them time and you’re still not in thrust wheel alignment, well then it’s probably time to find a new date!
Cheers, DH Sam
Image credit: @giphy.com
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