A - Z: The Dating Alphabet Pocket-Guide

Dating can be a tough nut to crack.  If you think courtship hasn’t changed over the years, then you are very wrong and possibly single my friend.  Your A-Z Dating Alphabet Pocket-Guide has been summarised conveniently below for your dating success!
 


- Auto-LOL.  The person who you’re texting that fills hermetic silences with a LOL.  

Questionable as to whether they’re actually laughing out loud.  FYI – people who use LOL in 

the early stages of courtship are more likely to score a date.


- BAE – Before Anyone Else.  Your GF / BF.  When in spoken form, listeners will typically think 

you're drunk and trying to say “Babe”.


- Catch and Release – the Modus Operandi of a person who’s addicted to the chase.  Their whole world will focus on securing the affections of a significant other.  Once they have them, they'll drop it like it's hot.


- Deadmeet.com – a niche dating website for people working in the death industry.  Legit.


- Expiration Dating – dating someone when you know there’s a definite end date.  Like milk.

 
- FBO – Facebook Official.  Changing your status on social media to “In a Relationship with”.  Potentially has more social currency than a marriage certificate.  

 

- Ghostsingles.com – Where ghosts meet online.  Duh.  Not open to human membership, hence we’re unsure of the success rate.  But even ghosts deserve to be happy!  Good for you, ghosts!


- Hiberdating – Your mate that disappears off the face of the earth once they start dating someone new.  


- Instafail - When you’re 126 weeks deep in the Instagram vortex of a new romantic interest and accidentally like their photo.  #stalkeriffic
 

- Jelly – to be 2 parts jealous, one part passive-aggressive.  Like when your mate has a hot new date while you’re spending the night alone eating Nutella from the jar and arranging your pillows into a formation that feels like you have a little-spoon lady-friend sharing your space and sleeping like a log next to you. #foreveralone.


- Kavorka – to be possessed with overwhelming, animalistic sex-appeal.  Made famous by Kramer in Seinfeld. 


- LTR – Label the Relationship.  The act of defining the grey area that is seeing each other / hanging out / on a thing / in a thing / hangs.


- Masturdating – the act of doing couple things by yourself e.g. going to the movies alone, eating dinner alone, playing California Games on your Sega Master System alone.


- Nonversation – a pointless conversation where one person dominates the whole conversation, turning it into a soliloquy with an audience. 


- One four three – the new three-little-words for telling someone “I love you”.  Stands for the number of letters in each word.  Can be used as a “police-code” e.g. She’s about to 143 me.


- Parched – the person who’s insatiable desire for intimate contact borders on desperation.  

Also known as being in a drought.


- Quirkyalone – the act of being quirky, single and owning it.  Think Jess from New Girl.  May or may not own a cat.

 

- Read-notification – the death of all mystery and self-soothing in the dating world.  For the love of Cupid, people - turn off your read-notification in settings.  Keep the mystery alive.  

 

 - Stachepassions.com – a niche dating website dedicated to the passionate pursuit of superbly moustached men.  Or ladies.


- Third-wheeling – “Hey man, you're going to Mad Mex with your girlfriend.  Can I come”?  There comes a time when you need to take the training wheels off.  This ain't no tricycle party.


- Umfriend – the grey area when you start seeing someone new, but you’re not quite dating yet.  "We’re ummm, friends".


- ValenTime-out – when the person you’re seeing puts the handbrake on just before Valentine’s Day to avoid having to get you a present.  


- Wingman – the person who is your long lock of Samson’s hair in the dating world.  Your mate who will go above and beyond in their pursuit to aid your romantic success, usually at the peril of their own success.


- XOXO – the hugs and kisses put at the end of a text to sign-off cordially but flirtatiously.  Collectively, thousands of hours have been devoted to deciphering whether romantic intention is underlying this sign-off, or whether the sender is actually just Gossip Girl.


- Youniverse – the person who spends the entire date talking narcissistically about themselves.


- Zombiepassions.com – a niche dating website dedicated to zombie-loving folk.

 

DH Sam

 

Got more dating acronyms we should be across?  Tell us below!

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